Why The Effing Hell Are You Reading Book Two I had a ton of misgivings and my thoughts felt like firecrackers thrown in a pressure cooker in book one I ultimately couldn t even decide on a star rating for the book because I was so torn between having mad respect for the way the author forced me to confront my own thoughts as a sexual being, a human being, a woman vs really wanting to punch Max in the nuts stow Lucy away in a nice strip club with a guy named Ike the Pike I m not gonna l Why The Effing Hell Are You Reading Book Two I had a ton of misgivings and my thoughts felt like firecrackers thrown in a pressure cooker in book one I ultimately couldn t even decide on a star rating for the book because I was so torn between having mad respect for the way the author forced me to confront my own thoughts as a sexual being, a human being, a woman vs really wanting to punch Max in the nuts stow Lucy away in a nice strip club with a guy named Ike the Pike I m not gonna lie, when book one was over I wanted to curl up in a corner with a big dose of NA cheese puff a bag of Cheetos just to get over the PTSD the end caused me Wuss I ll own it So, wtf am I reading book two, you ask As I conversed with fellow reviewers and the author, I knew I needed to finish this one out, not for the entertainment enjoyment of it but rather the mental challenge of it The author challenges me, figuratively and LITERALLY the winch to dig deep and finish this series It s a hard, disturbing, and thought provoking read that not everyone will be able to physically and emotionally stomach Be warned The Slap Wrap Up I wondered how Max would handle his disciplinary actions r t public perception I was impressed by how he wanted Lucy to handle it To me, this is a vital element to the story If he had chosen hiding, I would have lost any possibility of understanding his version of a dominant role If you have to hide it, it s wrong and there would have really been no further thought I needed to put into it One, Two, Three, Let s DickPunch Max Like in book one, I want to jerk this f r up and hurt himvery badlyI find him to be intolerable, with one loving hand and one sadistic hand She doesn t have the right to privacy any Ie This bitch can t ever even close the bathroom door or take a piss without asking permission Than ask permission to piss, but hey Whatever floats your panties, Lucy literally Danger, Will Robinson, D.A.N.G.E.R There is an angry tension in Max s character that s palpable off the pages To the reader, his restraint and mental control seem like they are being held high in the air by a thread and Lucy is a kitten naively standing under it pawing at the last fibers as she s trustingly unaware that a simple snap would destroy her There is a turning point in Max s control I feel like he has been dishonest with Lucy in his promising her he would never harm her past the point of recovery Eventually, he internally admits that he wasn t confident in that promise when he made it and wasn t sure if the darkness would lead him to a place he would irreparably harm her That is another pivotal moment for me because he put her in certain positions of grave harm when he recognized that he didn t know if he could maintain control He lied Of all his faults, he wasn t a liar up until that point D S relationships, by their very nature and no matter what tier of intensity they fall, ALL rely on one basic constant a loop of trust, honesty, respect Lucy I might need to ask Max if I can write this section Thanks, Max I had a lot of review questions on whether Lucy knew about, accepted, even understood his dominate behavior in book one Book two brings a lot of depth to Lucy s character as a newly submissive woman These quotes give tremendous insight into where Lucy s mental state is And I have surprised myself with how much I like it this way He s in control There s never been a question about this in my mindTake Max, take his control He made me a promise And I know that I can trust him I know that I can give into these feelingsthat I m safe to be turned on by his anger, his control I crave your love, Max I need your love The painis part of your love and I crave it Max.pleaseI ll do anything to deserve your forgiveness Dodo what you have to dopunish meplease Doubts about her consenting and being a willing participant in the D S dynamic are clearly dispelled In book one, Lucy s mental and emotional focus r t the dynamics of her D S relationship with Max was from a place of bewilderment she was amazed at how far submissive she allowed herself to go to please him In book two, the author delves deeper, beyond mere consent, to Lucy s own psyche in this relationship desires, needs, pleasure, pain, etc being gained and met through pleasing him In other words, does she like all this shit herself, for herself or for only him, to please only him That s a question that I felt needed to be answered to believe the longevity of the relationship, and it was answered I don t know about delicious lol It s difficult to process both sides of this the torment and the pleasure Lucy talks a good game about being happy with Max and loving him BUT she s constantly a crying, sick, fearful, mess of a woman on the edge of a nervous breakdown The psyche conflict as she is simultaneously 1 wound tightly in angst, fear, and distress as she is terrified of doing any little thing to displease Max 2 being a guilty self loathing emotional wreck when she does displease Max and also 3 finding some solace, pleasure, and comfort in the being relieved of all the above through his punishments It s a mind fuck At 77%, I m disturbed by how desperate she is how she has so tightly woven together his love, her forgiveness, his anger, her worthiness, and their entire relationship into this ball of harsh, cruel punishments I find her word choices and state of mind disturbing on so many levels I can t move and he s going to beat me like this I lower my head only slightly in an agony of shame He doesn t even trust me not to move Domestic Discipline vs Abuse I continue to personally view a lot of the physical discipline as violent and abusive There is a lot, and I do mean a lot, of physical hitting, spanking, slapping, pinching, etc in this book It s harsh It s not in any way playful It s sometimes violent It s sometimes without reason or justification I m actually starting to wonder if Max is a sadist I like hurting you, Lucy Her tears always make me harder clears throat LOUDLY This is a maintenance spanking, Lucy Even if you ve been on your best behavior all week long, as you should be anywayyou will receive a spanking Maintenance Max, you Mf er, you needYOURass spanked with a 4x4 I can understand regimented discipline, but not hurting someone just because you can Again, it s the picture I have of what a sadist s mentality is like Readers should know that much of the pain he inflicts upon her as discipline is just because he can mentality This also goes beyond physical strikes to what I would consider psychological torture She s in a constant state of fear, for example Another example is that he beats her, ties her up, and leaves her in a closet all night long For my own personal definition and lines, this is what I classify as psychological abuse Fuck All The Slapping I ve discovered I have a real aversion to face slapping It would be a hard limit for me, like do it and I ll cut your penis off kinda limit Max s rules and little girl do this or that irritates the shit out of me, but it doesn t disturb me The slaps to the face in book one disturbed me And, the slaps to her face in book two equally disturbed me, even though they were done during sex and not as hard To hell with this slapping shit As I noted with the discipline often just being because I can, the hurt he inflicts during sexual acts isn t always from a mentality of his her pleasure, but rather with a mentality of just because I can Again, disturbing TO ME You belong to me, Lucy And, I ll do whatever I like to you Whenever I feel like it Do you understand me And I like slapping you I like the look on your face Again, Sadistic Is There Anything I Do Like About Max White gold,please Max has a protective moment Yeah, that s about it Note To Author Out of both books, there was only one scene that didn t feel was natural if felt forced, contrived Character hole Lucy understands and expects Max s various rules from open doors, saying yes sir, and basically not making a move without his approval Yet, she acts flabbergasted during a convo about his expectations for her future employment status I expected it Lucy should ve expected it So, her deer between headlights reaction didn t ring true and made her look like a twit Just something to think about if you do any revisions in the future btw How wrong is it that I want Lucy to ride off into the sunset with the brother Bahaha Bottom Line The author warns you there ain t no damn candy, and she didn t lie This is not a book for the readers that demand to have a sugar coated BDSM relationship, like FSOG This book exposes all the raw nerves and just keeps pinching the hell out of them The same triggers from book one are only amplified here Thought provoking In a book world with too much fluff, this is actually a very thought provoking book Painful to read, but no less thought provoking My takeaway from this book is this Personally I still don t agree with the level of domination and submission here I still don t agree with what I consider Abuse, not Punishment And, now I don t believe in the mentality it s done from, either Yet I do believe that love relationship dynamics do not come in a one size fits all picture frame for society to approve or disapprove of before two people can be frame themselves as a couple in love So Who is to judge how two consenting adults express themselves within their relationship Define what is love Define abuse for yourself What s the difference between arriving at pleasure from mild pain ie a candy coated spanking vs arriving at pleasure from a greater pain ie a slap to the face Where is the line between dominating another s mind, body, and spirit and consuming their very identity and soul to the point they don t exist Again, I ll let the review speak for itself and decline a star rating A DARK EROTIC ROMANCE True Beginnings is the second book in a series that includes two alternative endings See for yourself why fans are saying this makes all the other dark romances look like greyed out shades of fairytalesMORE OR ENOUGHMax is all about being in control It s the only way he knows how to be There s never been a question in his mind about what he wants Lucy may accept all that he demands, but his true nature could get in the way of their happy ever after GIVE OR TAKELucy is head over heels in love, but she s starting to figure out that this relationship may demand than just the surrender of her heart to make it work With a man as dominant as Max, nothing less than her absolute submission will suffice She may not be ready for True BeginningsTE All the books in this series are available for purchase download now, so you won t be left wanting or waiting This series involves a combination of Domestic Discipline, D s, and Sm Now available in paperback tooExcerpts Max has been attentive than any other guy I ve dated He notices everything, keeps an eye on me at all times when we re together, and always does little things to show me how special I am to him But his attentiveness also means he has a lot of these pet peeves A long list of things he does or doesn t want me to do I don t have to guess how to make him happy He tells, shows me And I have surprised myself with how much I like it this way He s in control I ve wanted to please him from the beginning I ve wanted to follow his little rules and old fashion ness to show him how much he means to me I ve been proud of being able to do every little thing he s asked Since he slapped me, though, there s also been this element of fear of not pleasing him And the depth of my response to that has been the hardest for me to understand Just looking at the darkened look he still wears now I know that I can give into these feelings that I m safeto be turned on by his anger, his control I put my hand in her hair, give a slight tug, but mostly rub her softness She s so small, so soft, so yielding I like hurting you, Lucy She rubs her head against my hand, the obedient puppy I like that you give yourself to me completely That I can cause you pain and fearI can make you my good girl again with my belt or my hand I lower my hand to her butt Still a little warm, the pinkness not quite faded I pinch her lower cheek, not hard, but it s still tender enough to squeeze the breath out of her That s what punishment doesit makes you my good girl again You want that, don t you Yes, Sir Her whole body answers, trying to sway closer to me, but not moving from her spot, arms still held tight against her back Like in Book 1 I ve no misgivings or conceptions of Max and Lucy s relationship Here we have much developed view of Lucy s reaction and behaviour to Max s training to mold her into a perfect little submissive I don t know why I m still surprised by the things she goes through Their relationship has pleasure, pain and abuse Lucy is terrified to displease Max, she is constantly on edge of despair Then she brings out self loathing and feels guilty by blaming herself, convinced she deserves t Like in Book 1 I ve no misgivings or conceptions of Max and Lucy s relationship Here we have much developed view of Lucy s reaction and behaviour to Max s training to mold her into a perfect little submissive I don t know why I m still surprised by the things she goes through Their relationship has pleasure, pain and abuse Lucy is terrified to displease Max, she is constantly on edge of despair Then she brings out self loathing and feels guilty by blaming herself, convinced she deserves the punishment Max is so comfortable by the things he does He is completely okay if people sees the bruises he inflicted on Lucy, Aren t you afraid of someone asking me about my face No Why not Because if anyone asks you, you ll have to say what happened Won t you And what happenedis you misbehaved Didn t you And I had to punish you Didn t I I don t know why I m still baffled.Jake is Max s younger brother by three years who is freshly out of relationship He seems so nice and sweet at the beginning but as we proceed with his interactions in the book we find he has a dark side Looking forward to readabout him.I m addicted to this dark disturbing story In the end there is a turning point in Max and Lucy s life I m quite obsessed with them I browsed some reviews and understand that the author purposely wrote this savage tale of horrible domestic abuse to get us, the readers, to question ourselves and our sexual attractions, preferences, and gender politics She even wrote two alternative endings books 4.1 and 4.2 leaving us the choice how to end the story I get that she is creative, I know that she isthan an able writer, and Volume 1 had me riveted from beginning to end, making me want to continue this series despite bein I browsed some reviews and understand that the author purposely wrote this savage tale of horrible domestic abuse to get us, the readers, to question ourselves and our sexual attractions, preferences, and gender politics She even wrote two alternative endings books 4.1 and 4.2 leaving us the choice how to end the story I get that she is creative, I know that she isthan an able writer, and Volume 1 had me riveted from beginning to end, making me want to continue this series despite being so outside my comfort zone I am no stranger to dark reads I mean, I love some of the old timey, completely un PC, rapey and abusive Bodice Rippers and I have enjoyed some contemporary, pulpy captor captive books HOWEVER, I think with those books, it was easy to be aware that I was in the realm of fiction and just enjoy the ride for what it was, kind of like when you go into a haunted house or roller coaster at an amusement park You get to enjoy the exhilarating chills and thrills because you are aware that all this supposed danger is really an illusion.Here, this just was waaaaaayyyy too realistic for me so I guess, point for the author Sorry, I can t rise to your challenge but I just can t go on It is too painful It doesn t help that I have in the past been personally and professionally connected to issues of domestic violence, both physical and emotional I had to learn to turn off my emotional buttons in order to objectively, professionally and successfully sit through domestic violence victim s horrendous real life stories The stuff happening in this series all sounds eerily way too familiar although I would have to say the process in real life is a lotgradual, and cunning, starting with first isolating your victim from family and friends, then instilling self doubts, destroying self confidence one comment at a time, luring victim from self independence and especially from independent source of income, and then starting with gradually increasing physical abuse, threats etc There is a cycle of abuse, with specific instances of blow ups followed by fake grovel and honeymoon periods What is very realistic about this series is how self aware, cold and methodical the perpetrator is in choosing, then grooming his victim, with every move designed to further the goal of total domination over thoughts and actions The heroine was a bit too fast in laying down and becoming a doormat, it usually takes a bithowever her actions, once she decides to give in, are a sickening reminder that in real life, the abusers always have a long list of grievances against their victims and their victims end up being their fiercest advocates and protectors against the very people who would seek to help them out of the situation.Anyways, I am really rambling on but I had to get it out as a form of self therapy because I need to cleanse my mind of what I read not really the fireside Christmas reading I was envisioning, where is my Truman Capote book and I need to move on Again, kudos to the author in achieving what she set out to do and respect to the readers who will complete the series I don t have the stomach for it Lord this book had me tied in all sorts of knots And not the fun Shibari style knots Like sick from anxiety kind of knots So, Max is just as domineering and controlling in this episode as he was in 1 Actuallyso, as he s getting Lucyandaccustomed to his requests demands Max has been very honest about what he expects from Lucy, and how he expects her to behave So it s no one else s fault but Lucy s when he finds out she s been making plans without asking him, then asking h Lord this book had me tied in all sorts of knots And not the fun Shibari style knots Like sick from anxiety kind of knots So, Max is just as domineering and controlling in this episode as he was in 1 Actuallyso, as he s getting Lucyandaccustomed to his requests demands Max has been very honest about what he expects from Lucy, and how he expects her to behave So it s no one else s fault but Lucy s when he finds out she s been making plans without asking him, then asking him after the fact The fact that she is still pushing his boundaries at this point is only going to be taken out of her behind I, in no way, feel bad for the punishment that Lucy suffers at Max s hands when she knowingly goes against one of his rules Lord, the whole scene at her work party Had me on pins and needles to see what would happen And let me be honest here, if Lucy were my girlfriend, and she was acting that way at a party work or not , I would indeed punish her for being so disrespectful to me Again, she s breaking rules that she fully knows the consequences to My husband would be PISSED if I was splashing around in a pool with my male work buddies Without a swim suit on and in a white dress He would also freak the eff out if I was letting all manner of dudes put their hands on me Whether it s an innocent gesture or not The fact of the matter is that most of the time it is never innocent when a single guy gently touches your arm or whatever That s flirting Because really, you would never touch your co workers like that if it is just a professional friendship I also thought that blah blah the guy who touches her arm and has a thing for her, I can t remember his name sorry , was disrespectful for knowing that she had a boyfriend fianc and continued to flirt with her and touch her That is not a stand up guy peeps Brad, maybe Sorry, still trying to remember his name In addition to that I think Tracy is the worst kind of friend She s not supportive, she expects everyone to do what she wants without any discussion I understand that Lucy somewhat has this relationship with Max, but is was agreed to beforehand Not just assumed that super special snowflake gets whatever they want Tracy doesn t listen to her friends, doesn t take their feelings into consideration, and is constantly talking down to them in a most condescending manner I can t stand her.I m honestly a little jealous of, and pissed at, Lucy I love that Max is so traditional and rule based He may beso than I could personally handle in real life, but that kind of control and the ease with which he does it, is super sexy Lucy doesn t realize what she has and how she is jeopardizing it If you still wanted to act like a single girl, then you should ve stayed a single girl You don t get to be in this kind of committed relationship with someone but still pretend like you re a single party girl always going to clubs, getting drunk, and letting random guys touch and come on to you.When I finished reading this I was in no way upset with Max, but rather getting royally pissed at Lucy and how she lets Tracy treat her and how disrespectful she s been to Max Lucy, you stupid twat, you knew what kind of relationship you were going to get with Max So why do you continue to be surprised by the things that happen I m going to say this again, this is not an abusive relationship It is a very extreme Domestic Discipline relationship Max doesn t magically get angry for no reason There is always a reason and it is usually either something that Lucy should ve figured out on her own i.e common sense don t get in a pool with a bunch of guys while wearing a white sundress Or it is something that has already been spelled out by Max You know the rules, you know the consequences Either man up and accept the relationship for what it is, which you obviously enjoy Or effing leave You don t get it both ways.So, I guess what I m trying to say her is, this isn t nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be or how other people made it out to be Mindfuck yes abuse no I like Max and his domineering ways There are enough people out there that we can all find someone else to share in our personal brand of lifestyle and kink I received a copy of this book for free from the author, in exchange for my honest review. 4.5 stars, rounding up to 5 because this book is my favorite of the series Ok, I m not sure what to say The way this twisted, dysfunctional love story messed with my emotions was addicting to me This is aloadedseries full of potential triggers and I see how it crossed lines for many readers view spoiler I had a feeling I d like the second book in the seriesthan the first and I m so happy to be able to say I did Max finally lived up to my expectations Reviews for book 1 had 4.5 stars, rounding up to 5 because this book is my favorite of the series Ok, I m not sure what to say The way this twisted, dysfunctional love story messed with my emotions was addicting to me This is aloadedseries full of potential triggers and I see how it crossed lines for many readers view spoiler I had a feeling I d like the second book in the seriesthan the first and I m so happy to be able to say I did Max finally lived up to my expectations Reviews for book 1 had me expecting a huge abusive asshole, and I just didn t see it in book 1 Yeah sure, Lucy got slapped around in book 1, but Max really unleashed himself in book 2.Huge domestic violence and abuse triggers are in this book, starting with the first few pages Domestic violence isn t a trigger for me, but I think this is an important warning because it is a potential trigger for so many Like other reviews have mentioned, the abusive behavior is depicted very realistically My stomach dropped within the first few pages and I felt a huge sense of unease view spoiler Lucy is left with bruises on her face from Max slapping her Max mentions staying over at Lucy s house so she can cover the bruises with makeup This hit home for me, because I know of domestic violence victims who were bought makeup by their abusers to cover their bruises hide spoiler My stomach also dropped every time Lucy questioned her behavior view spoiler That s another potential trigger Irl controlling behavior like that from a partner does have you question every interaction My heart went out to Lucy every time she questioned her behavior or realized she slipped up for doing the most innocuous thing hide spoiler Another slight trigger is that Lucy is 100% a doormat heroine in my mind I m not sure how she s going to evolve as the series progresses from here right now she seems fully invested in the relationship While I like strong heroines, I can tolerate a doormat heroine from time to time So I m not rating this book low because of Lucy I can see how other readers would be frustrated by her though This book scratched an itch I have for dark reads I found it much darker than the first book The first book was important because it gave character background and readers got to see the very beginning of the relationship Book 2 hadmeat in my mind I got to witness the escalation of Max s controlling tendencies I felt the writing really came into its own Max felt fully fleshed out, and his POV was fascinating I thought the sex scenes were hotter and the punishment scenesfrightening I was 100% immersed Regarding Max s controlling behavior Seeing how methodical he was in his POV was chilling God, this line Her mind is already down the path of waiting for pain, an animal place, a pet waiting for its master s pleasure Gave me chills What an abusive freak view spoiler On a personal level I ve been in a controlling relationship nothing at all so extreme and I really appreciate it when authors depict the controlling behavior with a level of realism I m not offended or triggered by this in books, for whatever reason its interesting to see this type of controlling behavior depicted in male characters Not all authors are able to nail controlling behavior from the MMC either How it s almost a compulsion for the MMC and what it does to the heroine Max s controlling behavior in this book really felt authentic to me for the most part hide spoiler This may just be me, but I also found some humour in this book I was often chuckling at Max s notions of gender roles I get how it could offend some, but I just thought it was kinda funny For instance, every time Max ordered Lucy to make breakfast I rolled my eyes and chuckled I laughed at this line view spoilerYour mom was just telling me that you ve never liked peas She couldn t get you to eat them either Lucy is learning my likes and dislikes Not all of what she s made has been good, but she s improving hide spoiler Idk instead of getting offended by the arrogance I just found it humorous Regarding Max s anger I don t like angry, raving MMCs While Max had some anger, he also was able to keep a cool head at times and some level of control MMCs that don t shut up and have ongoing, rambling inner monologues are pet peeves I appreciated that both the MC s dialogue, inner monologue, and actions were well balancedBtw Max s parents creeped me the hell out It s like they re this weird domestic discipline cult like family view spoiler Just the fact that Max s parents are well aware of Lucy and Max s sexual punishment dynamic is creepy to me It was to Lucy too so I guess I connected with her there If I was her I d also feel embarrassed if my soon to be mother in law put fucking Arnica cream in my bathroom because she knew my ass was sore from being spanked from her son God So creepy hide spoiler I m definitely finishing this series to see how this train wreck of a couple ends up Idk how it s going to end, or which ending will resonate the most with me Some people remain in abusive relationships for years and just live in a state of dysfunction So this couple could get their own dysfunctional heaor Max may spiral out of control and everything might combust Of course, domestic violence abuse is not a joke and I hope my review doesn t come across as callous I m able to separate fiction from reality I think it s ok for books to depict abusive relationships I don t think this book makes light of them or advocates the behavior I understand how it could trigger some or put people off In reality Lucy would deserve a better lover She needs to realize that herself first and take action Right now she s in the thick of it hide spoiler I finished book 1, bought book 2, started it immediately and then read it straight through.So many things to say So many I still doubt that this relationship is totally safe But then I don t doubt either that it is what Lucy wants, or at least thinks she wants And I m pretty sure anyone in a M s relationship will find me a judgemental a hole Whilst Lucy and Max don t define their relationship in that way he DOES want to control her even down to her thoughts He doesn t want her to have any I finished book 1, bought book 2, started it immediately and then read it straight through.So many things to say So many I still doubt that this relationship is totally safe But then I don t doubt either that it is what Lucy wants, or at least thinks she wants And I m pretty sure anyone in a M s relationship will find me a judgemental a hole Whilst Lucy and Max don t define their relationship in that way he DOES want to control her even down to her thoughts He doesn t want her to have any free will other than the will to please and live for him That scares me half to death and is what makes this both and uncomfortable AND a gripping readI crave your love, Max I need your love The pain is part of your love and I crave itIt s all my fault If I hadn t been indecent, if I hadn t let those men touch me, if I hadn t gone out to lunchthis is a WORK eventwithout his permissionnone of this would have happened I berate myself in silence I ve never really felt any romance in either book so far, but this to me is a psychological mind f k of a read anyway One that has you questioning Lucy, Max, the author and your own sanity at times I m determined to finish this series over the weekend, as for the first time in a long time I am TOTALLY DESPERATE to know how a story ends.He enjoys seeing bruises he has made on her ok I could go with that, but these bruises are on HER FACE Conversely this means he isn t ashamed of what he does and therefore in his mind at least it isn t abuse It s part of his control over Lucy Though at times I got the impression all he wants is a doll who dresses, acts, thinks, speaks and poses exactly to his design He doesn t want Lucy THAT is where my struggle is with Max And yet I m still fixated and enthralled by the story kudos to the author for such great writingI want to get you to a point that your thoughts are automatically centered on me And nothing else And that your behaviour is second nature She ll make a good wife with a fewlessons So there I am hating on Max when he saysBut I don t want you to be afraid of me truly hurting you I will never do anything to you that can t heal without damage I want to reassure her not frighten her this morning.So just as I step back from the edge he then tells meI expect her not to close any doors to me She doesn t have the right to privacy anyaaaannnnndddd I m right back at wanting to suffocate himYou don t have the right to decide what you do, what we do, any I expect you not to make plans again, Lucy You get my permission first I ve been controlling and demanding I ve never lied to her Lucy knows her place You belong to me, Lucy You are mine And I want you dependent on me There may be times when she is unable to leave the bed after a spanking, legs and ass too swollen or sore.She knows she can t argue with me.Her cries only drive me to want to hurt herI stop and take a few deep breaths, she keeps her eyes closed still Lucy doesn t help matters either She has me questioning her sanity onthan one occasion I never could have imagined him slapping me, let alone me accepting it as punishment for breaking one of his rules But he did and I did And now I m forever changed somehow I think and feel differently It s all about Max, pleasing him, not disappointing him not angering him..It s those last three words that bother me So often it s all about Max but then just when I m back to hating him he does something thoughtful for LucyI turn to Max and give him a kiss on the cheek, Thank you for thinking of this I know it s really his doing His attentiveness to me, his caring nature, is what I fell in love with first.No, my old self didn t have someone who cares so much about me, loves me as much as I love him The number of times she flinches when he raises his hand woah She is on edge, she is jumpy, she is scared to upset or disappoint him That is why this doesn t really sound a healthy relationship I m afraid to move or speak And he told me the next day that was the only chance he was ever going to give me to make a decision for myself I no longer had a choice of leaving him.And I knew he was right My heart no longer had a choice I d given in to himto his angerto his controlto his love Seriously girl I m torn between wanting her to just get the heck out of there and respecting her right to choose that relationship Particularly as there are times Max s control really does feellike abuse He frequently slaps, pinches and grabs at her He seems to enjoy thrusting deep enough to hurt her during sex, he twists her wrist at one point, he controls what she is able to wear even when this leaves her too hot or too cold How is any of that showing care for her welfare and wellbeing He gets angry that she let guy s touch her as though she can control the actions of others And yet again there are times when he DOES seem to value, care for and put her needs first I m glad that I m still in control of my anger enough to stop from slapping her as hard as I want to.My anger is only slightly spent I am hurt by her betrayals My anger keeps heating up and I have to breathe deeply to get it under control again But I can t punish younot tonight You are too swollen already Knowing that he s putting my safety and care ahead of his anger, even in his darkness, tortures me.I take aspirin out and walk back to the bed When she returns I make her take these with the water We have a long drive today and I don t want her too stiff to go I want to make everything perfect for you, LucyI still like Jake betterI don t want you to get hurt, Lucy, because hethinks it s the only way to love He adds, softly, You deserve better than that Max is an a hole, and I truly think I might be in love with him He never apologizes for the way he is, truly believing he is entitled to Lucy s obedience for the mere fact that he is a man Alpha in the extreme, he continues Lucy s lessons on what he expects from her When she misbehaves, she is punished and it is brutal, but when she is his good girl oh how she is rewarded, and we are too because damn those are some hot scenes There are some side stories going on with Max s brother as w Max is an a hole, and I truly think I might be in love with him He never apologizes for the way he is, truly believing he is entitled to Lucy s obedience for the mere fact that he is a man Alpha in the extreme, he continues Lucy s lessons on what he expects from her When she misbehaves, she is punished and it is brutal, but when she is his good girl oh how she is rewarded, and we are too because damn those are some hot scenes There are some side stories going on with Max s brother as well that make this one even juicier Once again, the ending is that perfect mix of not a horrible cliffhanger, but still making you want to one click the next THIS REVIEW HAS SPOILERS There was nothing DARK EROTIC ROMANCE about this story This is a story, in my opinion, fulled with mental and physical abuse NOT love, not romance, definitely nothing erotic I have read my share of D s stories with perfectly strong Alpha Males but Max and his stepdad Rod is nothing but an abuser There was nothing Alpha about him the sex scenes were very lack luster for what he put Lucy through Now, nothing is wrong with a little spanking if that is your THIS REVIEW HAS SPOILERS There was nothing DARK EROTIC ROMANCE about this story This is a story, in my opinion, fulled with mental and physical abuse NOT love, not romance, definitely nothing erotic I have read my share of D s stories with perfectly strong Alpha Males but Max and his stepdad Rod is nothing but an abuser There was nothing Alpha about him the sex scenes were very lack luster for what he put Lucy through Now, nothing is wrong with a little spanking if that is your kink BUT, slapping her in the face repeatedly embarrassing her in front of their friends and co workers jeopardizing her job saying when she can use the bathroom, when or what she can eat or drink, telling her how to dress, how to speak, when to socialize WHAT THE ACTUAL F K Max was doing too much I know in most series this one has 4 books things begin nicely, then go downhill, but eventually there is redemption for the characters and we get a HEA I don t know if Max can be redeemed in my eyes I shudder to think about what he ll do to her in the other books Again, I m kinda glad this series is available under Kindle Unlimited because I would be pissed if I had purchased these books I can t be the only to ever want amnesia just so I can read my favorite books all over again This is the way I feel about this series by Willow Madison I read the first book in the series, True Nature, and couldn t wait to begin True Beginnings Max is a man who puts other Alpha males to shame He controls every aspect of our heroine Lucy, and does it unapologetically At times, I felt Lucy s fear as my heart raced in terror I felt her difficulty in accepting the things Max asked of her Over I can t be the only to ever want amnesia just so I can read my favorite books all over again This is the way I feel about this series by Willow Madison I read the first book in the series, True Nature, and couldn t wait to begin True Beginnings Max is a man who puts other Alpha males to shame He controls every aspect of our heroine Lucy, and does it unapologetically At times, I felt Lucy s fear as my heart raced in terror I felt her difficulty in accepting the things Max asked of her Over it all, I also felt her love for Max and her desire to please him Evil, evil man is just so sexy, she couldn t help wanting him.Lucy seems to be an extreme submissive Everything Max does turns her on and even when she is frightened, she is also desperate to please him I read on as Max slowly inducted Lucy into his way of life He has rules for her and Lord help her if she disobeys or doesn t do as he expects Max is a right a hole, there is no doubt He s manipulative, chauvinistic, and sexy Yeah, he s a bad boy And I absolutely would run the other way if I ever met him in real life But as a fantasy, he s just right He hits all the right buttons Another character I m really starting to fall for is Jake, Max s brother Jake what can I say, he s dreamy and sigh worthy He s the gentler sexy and I felt so bad for him in this book when he had his break with Julia.The book was fascinating and well written, keeping my interest and my heart either racing or breaking I loved the characters and I loved the story I can t wait forOff to book 3, True Choices